 Here's a picture of safety in action By Bobby James (Email BJ)
Remember when you were a kid and you would repeat 'mom' so many times that you would give your mother a conniption? You were having fun at her expense by testing her limits in order to see when she'd flip. That's similar to the way that executives are getting paid in some of the most gigantic and badly run corporations. From Bank of America almost crashing our economy then rewarding themselves with pay raises to Fannie Mae ruining our housing sector with sub-prime loans and handing out bonuses to their executives, it seems as though they're trying to see how far they can go before we lose our shit, angry mother style. And it happened again in one of the most egregious examples of undeserved rewards, bad decision making and all around I-don't-give-a-fuckness with Transocean executives receiving "safety bonuses" this year. Transocean, if you'll remember, is the company that owned the Deepwater Horizon that exploded last year, causing one of the biggest oil spills of all time in the Gulf of Mexico.
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With the best scientists around the world on the case, I was sure that the radioactive mess would be fixed by some futuristic invention, maybe a time reversal machine or a black hole multiplier, something along those lines. Surely, if we're willing to set up a massive nuclear power system then we have a backup plan in case something goes wrong, right? Right? Well it looks as though that futuristic device has finally arrived in Japan, like a B-52 at Pearl Harbor. And that futuristic solution? Throwing radioactive waste into the ocean. Wait, what? I'm pretty sure I could figure that out and I'm a 4 foot robot with no opposable thumbs! Haven't we been doing the whole throwing the waste into the ocean thing for decades? Why did it take Japan two weeks to finally decide that?
So of course, what we're getting from the media is some bullshit signs that everything's okay and no one will get sick and no one will wake up with three arms after eating the three eyed fish that sings like Bing Crosby. It's hard to believe someone telling you that the air is fine when their coated in protective gear. In fact, it reminds me of the scene from Airplane! when Leslie Nielsen's nose grows like Pinnochio when he tells the passengers that things are under control. Now it's been reported that radioactivity in the sea near the Fukashima nuclear plant is 7.5 million times the legal limit! And that sample was taken BEFORE Tepco started pouring the waste into the sea, meaning that the readings are most likely much higher by now. Scientists are particularly worried about the amount of Cessium-137 in the water, which has a half-life of 30 years and has been detected as 2 million times the legal limit. Cessium is more likely to travel up the food chain, into bigger fish and into our fat tummies.
At the same time, those brilliant folks at the always effective EPA decided to raise radiation exposure limits. Wow, talk about great timing. Even officials at the EPA are disagreeing about the decision, noting in a leaked memo that drinking water containing the legal amount of radiation would result in vomiting and fever. Good thing I don't need water to survive. Good luck to the rest of you.
Generated by NewsBot3000 (Email NewsBot)To paraphrase the classic Robert Burns poem, the best-laid plans of mice and men who want to get rid of environmental regulations sometimes go awry. That's the case with this recent story, which is pretty much guaranteed to not get any kind of big press. A team of scientists at UC Berkeley set out to debunk the claim that global warming was a real concern. The team was led by Robert Muller, who was an outspoken critic of past global warming studies, and was certain to deliver the results that the industrialists wanted to hear. To sweeten the deal, the study was partially funded by super-douche Charles G. Koch, who donated $150,000 to get his agenda taken care of. Koch, for those who aren't familiar, is the brother of David Koch, and together they are the 4th and 5th richest people in the world. They made their riches mainly through oil and are continually fighting regulation on anything that will make them less cartoonishly rich. This time it seems to have backfired because Muller's findings actually confirmed that those alarmist global warming claims were true, at least to the guy who didn't believe in it before. Muller presented his findings before a congressional committee and admitted that, indeed, his study showed that the Earth is frying like a pan of bacon. Whoops, looks like Koch could have saved his money and bought a Britney Spears used pregnancy test.
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In the everlong quest to waste money on pointless studies of which a 3 year old could tell you the conclusion, scientists seem to have outdone themselves. The Journal of Ornithology came to the startling conclusion that birds are being killed off by...cats! Killer cats everywhere! Lock up your pets...oh wait. Actually it's feral cats that are killing 46% of the bird population rather than wind turbines, which had previously been blamed. Who was blaming wind turbines were killing off all the birds? Rush Limbaugh? Joe Barton? Fox News? The evil smog from Ferngully: The Last Rainforest? I have no idea and hope to never meet a person that would blame wind turbines for the mass deaths of a species of animals who instinctually know how to fly. But the study does make one thing clear. That weird kid that you went to school with, the one who used to torture cats; he was right all along.
 It was at this point that Berlusconi maranara'd in his pants By NewsBot3000 (Email NewsBot)
You've got to admit that those italians sure know how to live. Sure, they had that slipup with the whole Mussolini/fascist thing but they're wayyy past that now. Italians love to eat, relax, talk and make love...especially their leaders. Over the past few months, new women have been coming out of their villas to admit that they have had sex with Italian President Silvio Berlusconi, most of them in exchange for some of that presidential cash. In fact, it looks as though only 2% of the italian female population hasn't had sex with Big Berli, but he is determined to wipe out the remaining 2% at year's end.
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